You don't have to be the one who acted out to need a room of your own
Discovering a partner's, spouse's, or family member's compulsive sexual behavior can shake your sense of reality as badly as the behavior itself. These three fellowships exist for you — not to fix the other person, but to tend to your own healing, boundaries, and steadiness.
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COSA
COSA (Co-Sex Addicts Anonymous)
A free, anonymous twelve-step fellowship, founded in 1980 and modeled on Al-Anon, for anyone whose life has been affected by someone else's compulsive sexual behavior — partners and spouses most often, but also parents, adult children, and friends. The focus stays on your own healing rather than managing or monitoring the other person. Meetings run in person, by phone, and online.
Visit cosa-recovery.org → -
S-Anon
S-Anon
A twelve-step fellowship for family and friends of sexaholics, also modeled on Al-Anon. S-Anon and COSA cover very similar ground — the differences are mostly historical and cultural rather than a difference in purpose. Many people try a meeting of each and stay with whichever feels like home; there's no wrong door.
Visit sanon.org → -
COSLAA
COSLAA (CoSex and Love Addicts Anonymous)
Grew directly out of SLAA, for people over 18 affected by a loved one's sex and/or love addiction. Like COSA and S-Anon, it uses the twelve steps to help members regain their own clarity and serenity, one day at a time, regardless of what the other person chooses to do.
Visit coslaa.org →
Which one is "right"?
All three are free, confidential, and welcome people of any gender, orientation, or relationship structure. If your partner or family member is working a program covered on the Programs page, the matching partner program (SAA → COSA, SLAA → COSLAA) may feel most familiar — but you're welcome in any of them, and the most practical approach is simply to try a meeting of each and notice where you breathe easier.
A note on open meetings
Some SAA, SA, and SLAA meetings are "open" — welcoming to partners, family, and friends who want to understand the program without attending a dedicated partner fellowship. Meeting listings on the Meetings page usually note whether a meeting is open or closed.
Betrayal trauma is real trauma
Alongside a partner-program meeting, some people find it helpful to work with a therapist trained specifically in betrayal trauma — look for the CPTT (Certified Partner Trauma Therapist) credential on the Therapists page.